Diffusing a Tense Situation in a Meeting

Following up to the last blog post, I want to give you a few pointers on what to do should tempers flare during a meeting you’re leading. Sometimes the shock of such deplorable behavior by adults will keep you in a state of inertia. But don’t just sit there! Do something constructive to alleviate the tension and keep the meeting moving. It’s best to prepare yourself for these rare occasions beforehand. I have to say, I used to work for a bunch who regularly pushed each other’s buttons, turned red in the face and wagged fingers at each other. In my case, it wasn’t a rare occurrence. But I am hoping, for your sake, that you won’t have to diffuse anger too often at a meeting.

When someone tries to hijack the agenda to showcase their expertise or expound on a pet issue, assure them their discussion is important and, if necessary, suggest the discussion be continued outside of the current meeting. You could also say, “I am sure I could get an education on tax tribunals listening to you, but we really need to keep the meeting moving.” Remind them of the current meeting’s agenda. More than likely they will get the point and quiet down.

If tempers flare try to defuse by saying, “Your passion for the subject is evident. We are impressed by your knowledge and commitment to your argument, but we need to keep in mind the matter at hand and come to resolution.” Suggest they bring their issue to another meeting by putting it on the agenda making sure the issue is relevant to the issues your organization deals with. If the argument is so heated that it continues on, don’t bother trying to placate. Firmly cut the offender(s) off and move on. Others will appreciate your leadership. Your role is to keep the meeting rolling and on agenda.

Six Keys to Running Effective Meetings

For the record, I used to dislike meetings. My experiences had not been good. For years I ran meetings regularly and was terrible at it. I let the participants talk endlessly for fear I was cutting them off. Because attendees were my elders and I worked for them I didn’t want to offend. But my timidity was doing everyone a disservice. I'd often allow the deviation from the agenda to be so severe getting back seemed impossible. In my defense, even though I’d been part of several organizations with dynamic people in charge, I had never seen a meeting run effectively. So how do you run an effective meeting? This is what I learned through trial and error and observation.

Six Keys to Running an Effective Meeting

1. The Purpose of the Meeting
Specifically identify the purpose and objective of every meeting before it begins. What is the purpose of any meeting? To make decisions, carry out an action, resolve and to inform. Stay on topic!

2. Agenda
Create an agenda for each meeting. Don’t over pack the agenda. If you have regular meetings, put some of the new business on the next agenda.

3. Facilitation
The meeting leader must be the facilitator of the meeting. We have to be careful and specific here. A meeting is not a facilitation event. It is not the time to ask probing questions and get the attendees to dig deeper into the issue. It is their responsibility to bring their findings to the meeting for discussion purposes. You will need to use your facilitations skills when and if debate or intense discussion occurs and to reign in participants who dominate or divert the meeting from the aforementioned purpose. It takes tactful skill to handle these situations and perhaps a little pre-planning if you’re not an in the moment thinker.

4. Should Everyone Speak?
While it is natural to want to hear from everyone, in order to keep the meeting moving, you need to stay within the time frames you designated for each agenda item. That means not everyone will have a chance to speak. Again, it is the responsibility of the participants or attendees to speak up within the allotted time.

5. Special Guests
Keep special speakers to their allotted time frame. They can eat into the meeting agenda pretty quickly if allowed. Have a few segues prepared to clue in the speaker their time is ending so they can wrap it up.

6. Leading by Consensus or Majority
While it can be done in smaller settings, it is far more difficult to lead by consensus with a larger group. When a leader attempts this mode with a group larger than 6, discussion can go on interminably with little or no resolution. Remember, consensus is an idyllic state. It is rare you will ever achieve consensus true to its definition. If it is your style to lead by consensus, draw up some broad goals or actions that you would like the committee to agree on. Recognize from the outset that there will be some disagreement on the specifics. If you can deal with that and get the committee or group to agree to the broader objectives you will be effective.

Majority
If you prefer not to lead by consensus, set the expectation in advance by informing your group or team that you will listen to all arguments and move forward with the majority opinion as long as it aligns with the organization’s mission. It is important those working with you know this from the outset. Failing to notify them of your preferences in this regard will make you appear like a tyrant or dictator when you settle on a course of action that not everyone agrees with.

Remembering these six keys will make for more effective, efficient meetings. Keep in mind that everyone’s time is valuable and remind others in the meeting of your desire to respect that. It will go a long way in getting your team to respect you and your leadership style.

Image - Work Ethic

Work ethic also plays into your image. Everyone knows who the slackers in an organization are. Everyone also knows who the over achievers and butt kissers are. For those of you in the middle remember that consistency in performance goes a long way with your superiors. Every employer loves to see an employee working assiduously on a project, staying late if necessary to get the job done and giving 100%. Reliability, team focus, being on time, participating in meetings and thinking about the company’s bottom line all go into a healthy work ethic that will enhance your image. Believe me, employer’s notice.

Slacking in any way is obvious. While you might be the best dressed and coifed person in the office, if your work ethic doesn’t correlate to your exterior image, you will not gain buy-in to your ideas or earn the respect of your peers and superiors.

Attitude

Another aspect to image is attitude. What does your attitude say about you? Are you a pessimist or an optimist? If you’re not sure ask your significant other, friends, and co-workers what they think you are. It will tell you a lot about the image you project.

Are you a Negative Nancy? Negative Nancys complain the ray of sunshine coming through the clouds after 5 days of cloudy skies is hurting their eyes. They can turn any positive into a negative. In the workplace they stir up dissent by spreading gossip, finding fault with management, your colleagues or your staff for the tiniest of infractions. No matter how smartly dressed they are, their image reflects unhappiness and discontent.

Perhaps you are even keel Kyle. Nothing bothers you or at least it doesn’t appear to. You get through each day dutifully fulfilling your obligations, not ruffling any feathers. But you do not give anything of authentic value to your co-workers, staff or superiors. Your goal in life is to see the clock strike 5PM so you can shut down your computer, hop into your car and go home. What kind of image does an even keel Kyle project? It’s certainly not the negative, pessimistic attitude of a Negative Nancy but it’s not one of optimism either.

Positive Pete is the guy everyone wants to have around. He makes people feel good and finds the lighter side in nearly every situation. When beset with professional disappointment, Pete still looks for the silver lining amidst the troubling circumstances and looks out for others. Pete doesn’t sugar coat but he does look to balance the natural propensity of others towards negativity by turning lemons into lemonade. Pete’s image is one of consummate professionalism and good nature based upon his attitude toward work and others.

While this is a simplistic generalization of attitude types, it is important to remember that your attitude plays into the image you project. Which one are you? What is one positive step you can take to change your negative or even keeled attitude?

No Fair False Advertising

Some have questioned my stance on image by reminding me that there are those (out there) who are incredibly polished on the outside but whose softer skills need polishing. No doubt we all run into people like this. They’re slick, but their dismissive and disrespectful way of treating people tarnishes their overall image.

Image is much more than the exterior. It starts there but you cannot let it stop there. If you do, you are false advertising. Your outside is saying, “I’m competent, smart, and well respected.” But if your actions do not back this up, the inconsistent aspects of your message will tarnish your reputation and people will see the exterior as window dressing or style over substance. The first thing people will say about you when your name comes up in conversation will be either nothing for fear of being the first one to go negative or it will be about how you treated them at a business function, during a business transaction or in a work situation. It won’t be about your stellar exterior and interior image. Rather than people seeking you out for business, they will seek to commiserate with others who have been on the receiving end of your insincere behavior.

An Object Lesson on Image

While I am a firm believer that beauty is skin deep, it is increasingly apparent in our world fixated on perfection and status as key weights to your value as a human being, we must be aware of the first impression we give. That is why image is important. People do judge you and your competence based upon your appearance.

Recently a client was not getting the respect from her male colleagues, her boss or her direct reports. While we dealt with some communication and boundary issues she had at work, we also talked about her image. She regularly dressed in loose fitting cardigans, slacks, and well worn shoes yet she was a senior level manager. She gave little attention to her appearance. Meanwhile her male counterparts were wearing suits and ties. Who was dressing the part? Who was getting more respect? Though she was well qualified, she had been looked over for a promotion.

As an experiment she began wearing more suits and well constructed clothes. She was projecting the image of a senior level manager who deserved respect. She backed it with more direct communication and made sure she watched the boundaries between manager and friend. She did receive more respect and is now being considered for the CFO position in her company.

Tell me about your image and what you’ve done to enhance it. What have you noticed gets you more respect from your colleagues?

Image is Everything

I can argue with the best of them that the above is not true. My idealism begs me to believe in the objectivity of man when it comes to judging others. Sadly, objectivity is becoming a relic on a world where snap judgments are made within nanoseconds of a person’s entry into a room.

I started on my image while still quite young. Although I dabbled in day dreams of having a punk image for an ephemeral rebellious period in my early teens, my parents wisely redirected my thoughts to more positive pursuits. Coming out of my punk induced haze, I began implementing the image I had admired since childhood. It may sound silly but I had always adored the movie stars of the 1940s, like Rita Hayworth. I loved their glamour, the long flowing hair, the big inky lips, manicured nails and the classic, sophisticate style of dress that revealed just enough. I did temper the look, but I nailed the basics. Not until college did I realize I had hit the mark in this area when one of my sorority sisters said she couldn’t imagine me ever looking unsophisticated. Voila! Image achieved.

While I am no Rita Hayworth, I know that the care and attention I give to my appearance has served me well and made others take note when they may have dismissed a nascent, college grad. Today I usually stand out because of the care I put into my appearance. It gives me an edge in that people associate greater competence with a person who presents herself stylishly professional. And in my case, I assure you my competence is more than skin deep.

Be bold!!